The Mentalist 5x02 (Devil's Cherry)
by Jaskett4Eva
Summary: After loosing Lorelai, the CBI has a new case involding the murder of a seven years old little girl. It doesn't take long for Jane to break down when he falls into a white coma that entangles him into a serie of visions about his daughter Charlotte. This story is multichapter and based on the Mentalist promo of 5x02. The first chapter is called "The Fall" !
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note : after the Mentalist's new promo I had enough material and inspiration to write a full book, no kidding xDD so this story will be centered one what coul happen in the 5x02 – Devil's Cherry episode. However, since the last episode has had unresolved issues I decides to introduce my story with the main events of the season 5 premire. Enjoy xDD_

**Chapter 1 (The Fall)**

After the storm usually came the peace and quiet but in the life of Patrick Jane serial disasters came crashing down without mercy ; when and where was only a matter of time.

For the past six months he had worked thoroughfully to catch Red John's lastest accomplice. He had caress the sweet sensation of hope, he had even fantasized about the possibility to finally have a normal life again. But thanks to the FBI and their childish territorial attitude hope had vanished forever.

Whem Bertram and the mighty Serious Crime Unit quizzically questionned Lisbon and their team about what happened to Lorelai, Jane had let her filled the blanks too lost and desperate to get into some overwhelming explanations. The director of CBI had then strictly commanded to start searching for her but deep down inside Jane knew she was long far gone and that Red John was the root cause of it.

Lisbon wasn't fool she had seen the look of dissappointment in his eyes. Like usual she would try to cushion him from his fall and help him puss the guilt far away. But frankly, from the way he looked she feared he might be close to a nervous break down. Not that she didn't fear such thing might happen before, especially when it came to Red John, but she could see the breaking point in Jane's life shining from the horizon and that what's scared her the most.

It didn't took long before a new case came in. As to be _La cerise sur le sundea_ or the icing on the cake, a seven years old little girl had been mudered by a sadistic serial killer. Lisbon knew Jane enough to imagine what horrible toughts must have gone through his mind.

"I'm sorry Jane I know how hard it must be for you and I would understand perfectly if you wanted to remove yourself from this case" Lisbon told Jane with a sympathizing tone

"I'm fine Lisbon…" Jane lied "and frankly due the circompstances a little distraction can't hurt me" he said forcing a smile

"okay" she told him concern visible on her features

Jane stood from his couch and followed Lisbon in the black SUV. He fastened his seatbelt silently and avoided as much eye contact as he could. Lisbon didn't seem to want a casual discussion which was fine with him.

When they finally arrived on the crime scene, reporters's van and law inforcements vehicules were already parked in from of the house. From the first look, Jane knew it was a comfortable familly, probably middle-class and united as well. He had the unpleasant feeling of déjà vu.

As he stepped in the house his first reaction was to look for the little girl's bedroom. While they were interrogating the parents, Lisbon and her team didn't noticed Jane heading upstairs.

For a brief moment before he turned the door knob his mind wandered towards the fear of witnessing the bloody smiley face on the wall like he had almost ten years ago. But when he saw the perfect immaculate décor of the room he chased the silly thought of his head. The victim wasn't his daughter, she was no Charlotte. Unfortunately, Red John wasn't the only disturbed spririt in this world and Jane would feel no remorse to avange her like he promised on his wife and daughter's graves.

As he paced the room, something caught his attention : on the bedside table there was a picture of the little girl and his father. He was holding her on the top of his shoulders and from the picture he could see how happy they were smiling and laughing.

Without realizing, a sad smile grew on Jane's lips. Memories of his past days with his daughter fumbled into his mind, leaving a bittersweat taste on his tongue. For a moment, he even allowed himself to picture himself and Charlotte on the photo. Something which wasn't hard since the little girl and his father were both blonde, just like him and his daughter.

Within a seconds, all became dark and blurry bringing him back to that very day he lost her. His face contracted with disgust and his heart started racing at full speed.

He tried to breath in and out but for some reason the air wouldn't come and the panick started to kick in. On instinct he slowly went down the stairs and went to the kitchen to prepare himself some tea ; his only medecine.

But as he drank the hot beverage a whisper came across his ear then he felt in his legs flinched one by one. He tried to grab the edge of the counter but it was useless. He felt backward almost in a slow lingering motion and he lost grip of the cup and saucer who splattered on the ground in a thousand pieces.

From there, Jane had lost total control of his body and mind. His back laid on the cold ceramic floor and he felt his own body convulsing incontrollably.

No one had seen Jane's whereabouts and no one could see his distress from the living room.

"Thank you for your time" Lisbon said as she stood up and shook the parent's hands

"Where's Jane ?" Grace asked

"Jane we're going" Lisbon shouted to be sure he could ear her

The absence of answer made Lison rolling back her eyes.

"you hear this ?" Cho said

When Lisbon catched the imperceptible sound of that Cho had pointed out, she scouted towards the kitchen. What she discover left her in instant shock.

"Oh my god" Lisbon said as she squated down next to Jane "we need to call and ambulance now" she said lips trembling

"Jane stay with me it's gonna be okay" she said as her eyes started to get watery

Before the paramedics arrived it felt like an eternity in a living hell for Lisbon. When she heard the sirens echoing in the background she sighed in relief. Her eyes didn't quit Jane. Her heart skipped a beat when he stopped to shake and almost went rigid.

She immediately felt his pulse and found out it was weak. At the same time the paramedisc raced down the kitchen.

"I…I…don't know what happned…he…he was shaking…then he…he stopped mo-moving" Lisbon stuttered

"does he have any past history of epilepsy stage ?" the paremedics asked

"no" Lisbon responded absent-mindedly

"he's having a seizure" the men said to his partner seriously

Within seconds they installed Jane in a stretcher and gave him an oxygen mask. Without asking Lisbon managed to set herself in the ambulance with Jane right after she gave following orders to Cho.

Curled up in the ambulance back seat, Lisbon couldn't help but recite a prayer for Jane ; it wasn't much but it the best thing she could do right now.

When they arrived to the nearest hospital, the two men took Jane immediatly to the emergency room. As she watched them take Jane away Lisbon stared at him as if he would wake up at any moment her eyes glimmering with hope.

"ma'am you need to stay in here" they told her in a commanding tone

She desesperatly wanted to go in there with him and she was enough determinated to convince an army if it was necessary. But a small part inside of her screamed that she didn't have the strengh to do so.

"his he gonna be okay ?" Lisbon yelled

It was the only thing she manages to ask before she lost sight of Jane. But no one answered her leaving her with her fears and doubts mourning the possible loss of her closest friend.

And that's how the next storm struck into Jane's life bringing everything around him in a whilwind of dust until they shattered ; there was no coming back for Lisbon she was already a collateral dammage in his life waiting to disspear without a trace.


	2. Chapter 2

_Athor's note : I know this chapter was a little bit incoherant but isn't that the point of all dreams =) As to the title of this chapter I like the analogy between Jane and Alice and it gave me some baggage to work with. Next chapter we will finally get a glimpse into the real world and how Lisbon and her team might cope with Jane's "situation" I think you all guessed already what is wrong with him lol xDD don't forget to comment it's always appreciated ! ;)_

**Chapter 2 (Jane in Wonderland)**

The light, why was there so many light Jane thought to himself ? The brightness speared his eyelids like the sun on a summer day. When he opened his eyes, he had to close them again fearing he would go blind.

He opened them again carefully and frowned. He tried to move his arms but was astonished with realization : he was wearing a straightjacket and he was locked in a white room with nothing but a matress which he was laying on. What had happened to him ? Had he finally go insane ?

"don't be scared you're safe here" said a soft and angelic voice

Jane startled. A young girl with blonde hair and blue eyes seemed to examine him with fascination. He looked back.

"who are you ? what's you name ? and what I'm doing here ?" he said in a rush

The girl chuckled softly.

"my name is Charlotte and I know who you are" she said gently with a smile

"no…no this can't be" Jane said as he rolled back into his matress

"what's the matter Patrick ?" the little girl asked with concern "you're feeling sick" she asked genuinely

"I had a daughter named Charlotte…but she passed away" he said sadly

"I know" she said "that's why I'm here" she adds

"where am I ? am I dead too ?" Jane asked almost instinctively

"not yet" she says as she gave him he most reasurring smile

"so you're…you're my daughter" Jane asked in a low voice as he gulped

"yes I am" she said cheerfully happy that he remembers her

"why are you here ? why know ?" he asked her with pleading eyes

"aren't you happy to see me ?" she asked back

"of course" Jane says looking at her in the eyes "but I just need to understand" he says

A mixture of emotions were visible on Jane' features : a whif of happiness and nostalgia with a hint of sorrow.

"come with me…I want to show you something" Charlotte said as she leaned her hand towards Jane

"I can't move with these I'm stuck here" he said with regret as he tried to breaks the snaps of his jacket

"don't worry it's not a problem" Charlotte giggled

There was a quick flash then Jane felt his body shift in a blunt movement. His nose wrinkled at the sudden golfstream of fresh air. He could feel what seemed like sunny light rays shining on his face and the overwhelming sensation of the soft ground : from the texture he was pretty sure he was standing on perfect silky grass.

When he finally opened his eyes, Jane almost cried out in admiration at the heavenly landscape in front of him ; a wooden arch led to an endless garden filled with thousands of different brand of flowers.

As he stepped inside the floral labyrinth, a row of yellow lillies mixed with lavender plants stood in from of him. He couldn't help but take a closer step towards the familiar scent : the one of his wife's shampoo something he would never forget.

As he bowed down and held a flower in his hand, he could see Charlotte from the corner on his eyes. She looked at him with a beautiful smile and ran instantly.

"Wait Charlotte is that you ?" he asked trying to chase her

But as soon as he got close to her she would dissapear again and lead him to a different area of the garden. After a while Jane felt like Alice in Wonderland who was trapped in her dream ; except he wasn't chasing an impetuous rabbit but his daughter Charlotte and well he obviously wasn't a twelve year old girl wearing a blue dress.

Jane had allowed his mind to go distracted. He hadn't see the small rock in front of him : when his feet made contact with the heavy surface he immediately stumbled and landed face to face with a deep large pool. Fortunately he had been able to stop himself before the worst could happen.

Unable to break eye contact, the waves of the transparent liquid seemed to hypnotize him. His head felt dizzy and for a moment he let himself moving side to side tracing impeccably the trajectory of the water.

At the bottom of this oceansize pool something shiny reverberated in his eyes : like a earring but bigger, could be a necklace. When he kneeled down to have a better view a voice came behind him.

"it's beautiful isn't it ?" Charlotte's voice called behind him

"there you are" Jane said in relief as he gave her a comforting smile

"you know what it is ?" the little girl asked as she followed Jane's glare in the depths of the pool

"I don't know maybe a necklace or a bracelet" he said hesitant

"why don't you take a look" she said in a reassurant voice

"you mean take a swim" he told her with a nervous chuckle

"you used to love it remember whem mom and I were…" Charloote started but Jane interrupted her as if her words might hurt him

"I know" he said sadly "you wanna come with me ?" Jane asked smiling again

"don't be silly dad you know I don't swim" she told him as her cheeks became red

"I'm sorry I forgot" he said "but I can show you if you want"

For a moment, Jane could see Charlotte backing up and he took her gesture from her fear of water but realized he couldn't be more wrong when he heard a voice behind him.

"Jane" said a very familiar voice "listen to me…you need to come back" the women's voice said

When Jane turned around to see who it was, he couldn't be more surprised. Teresa Lisbon was standing in front of him, hair perfectly put wearing a white tank top and her favorite leather jacket. She looked so peaceful yet a bit hurt. But what in hell was she doing here ? Was this for real ?

"Lisbon…what are you doing here ?" Jane said with questionning eyes

"Jane listen to me" Lisbon repeated louder "you don't have much time" Lisbon said

"who is she ?" Charlotte asked almost scared

"don't worry sweetie…she-she's a very dear friend of mine" Jane said trying to reach for his daughter scared that he might loose her again

"what's her name ? and what she's doing here" Charlotte asked looking at her dad refusing to look at other women in front of her

"my name is Teresa Lisbon I'm a CBI agent your daddy and I work together" Lisbon said in a gentle voice responding for Jane

"you can't be here" Charlotte said with disgust in her voice "dad please come with me mother is waiting for you" she said looking back at her father

"Jane don't listen…" Lisbon said trying to reason him

"What ?" Jane asked as his interest grew wider

"she's waiting for you" Charlotte said with a smile "she said she's make tea and cooked brownies…but you have to get the bracelet first" Charlotte said with an impish smile

Jane immediately looked at the shiny furniture tossed in the pool.

"you gave it to mom you remember ?" Charlotte asked

"yeah" Jane said slowly

"you said you gave it to her when you both met as a mark of friendship" Charlotte pointed out "now you need to get it back to regain her trust"

"Jane don't listen to her she's manipulating you it's a trap" Lisbon said

"please listen Lisbon she's just a kid, she's MY kid you can't be serious…I-I will do it" he said

"Jane don't do this, please choose life" Lisbon said in last resort

Lisbon's words had pieced through his ears like a crash of cymbals in a fanfare. As much as he wanted to get with his familly again a part of him still held on to what he might left behind. Jane was facing both the pool admiring the possibility to wash away his sins and redeem himself with purity. Something inside of him was relantlessly attracting him to the bottom of the water but another part was telling him to fight and go up the surface.

"I'm sorry I can't Charlotte" Jane finally said to his daughter in fear she would be dissapointed

"NO" Charlotte said almost screaming "you can't do this to me nor to mom it ain't fair you owe us" she said as free tears were running down her cheeks

Despite the words of his friends, he had always felt somehow as if he had kill his own familly when he challenged his worst nemesis. And now the accumulation of ten years of plain guilt stock into Jane's heart were spoken through the mouth of his daughter for the first time.

"Jane it's time to go" Lisbon said

"NO dad" Charlotte said as

Charlotte took Jane's hand and tried to attract him towards her but he stayed motionless like a stele evicting all emotions that would come across his cold stoned heart. Only his eyes filled with tears dared to look at his daughter one last time.

Longs seconds passed by as Jane and his daughter stared into each other reading everything like an open book ; it was always the last page that hurt the most revealing the ending of a new beginning.

When she saw she was she was on the edge of the abyss, Charlotte finally let go of his father's hand and volontarily jumped inside the pool with a look of resignation in her face.

"NOOOO" Jane screamed

Jane was ready to jump with her but a hand on his shoulder catching him by surprise.

"Jane don't do that you it ain't real" Lisbon said with a reassuring voice

"No Lisbon you-you don't understand she can't swim…Charlotte can't swim I can't let her die again" he said as he tried to muffle the sobs as his body was panting relantlessly

Jane wanted to dive in desesperatly but Lisbon's strong hand was preventing him from it.

"LET GO OF ME LISBON" Jane yelled with a his strengh "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT" he shouted

Jane's eyes windened as his daughter had dissapear in the swirl of water.

He was now facing the reality he had lost her forever. On instinct his body came crashing down on the concrete and he allowed tears to spill out of him incontrollably. He shrivelled up into a ball like a leaf and look back. Lisbon was gone and his daughter as well : he was afraid he might have lost them both forever.

Jane was definitely trapped in an eternal nightmare not the bloomy kind but the one where your worst fears and the dilemmas you're trying to avoid are tackling you back. He only wish he could find the trigger that would cut him from this abstracted vision of the world were he's his own prisonner ; his mind is a cell confining him into wanders only him know how to resolve.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note : I hope you liked this chapter. It know it was a bit twisted and weird and I'm afraid the next chapter is gonna be even more. By since it's a hurt/comfort story what could you expect ? But don't worry it's not a drama it's a beautiful tragedy so I promise two more chapters to go and you will have your happy ending ;) Next chapter you will know about the Lorelai thing sorry I left it in the air !_

_Let me know if you like the sherlock holmes thing ! I guess I was inspired after I watched the new CBS show "Elementary" last night. Anyways if you are a big Mentalist and shelock holdmes fan and haven't started watching yet I highly recommend it to you xDD_

_Ps: don't forget to comment and let me know what you think, no shit =) _

**Chapter 3 (In Between)**

Since Jane had been in coma, Lisbon couldn't sleep anymore, she couldn't eat and she didn't recall the last time she took a shower. Despite her obligations at the CBI she had decided to put Cho in charge while she stayed with Jane. She knows only to well he would feel like a lost child secastrated from his mother when he would wake up alone in an hospital bed claiming for her presence.

Lisbon rubbed the aching pressure between her eyebrows and closed her eyes to rest them for a while. She woudn't sleep, no she couldn't allow herself that.

Despite her desire to stay awake all signs of exhaustion were engulfing her into sleep. Her head slowly bent backwards on the cold metal chair and her breathing started to slow down, she was sleeping…

"Lisbon…Lisbon" repeated the red-hair agent as she shook her shoulder

"wait, what where am I ?" Lisbon asked almost in shock

"you're in Sacramento hosptial calmo down" Grace said slowly holding back her smile

"I'm sorry Grace I guess I fell asleep" Lisbon hissed with a hint of guilt

"I'm here to take the night shift" Grace Van Pelt told the dark-haired agent

"I'm fine" Lisbon mumbled all grumpy

"no offense boss but you've been here for three days you need to rest" Grace said nervously

"but what if he wakes…" Lisbon tried to argue but to tired to actually sound convincing

"shush" Grace said

"don't talk to me like that I'm still your superior" Lisbon said pointing a finger at her co-worker

"okay" Grace said a bit hurt but tried to hide it

Grace knew since the whole Lorelai incident, Lisbon wasn't herself anymore. The women was grumpy and she had been rude more then once with her. But Lisbon was her boss and her hands were tied on the matter, especially when it came to Jane. It was always a sensitive spot.

What was the matter with her ? Lisbon thought to herself. Grace had tried to be nice with her she had been since she came back and what does she do, she rebukes the women about the bounderies between co-workers.

If Lisbon was beeing honest to herself the line had long been cross when she had let Patrick Jane enter her life but she woudn't dare admit it to anyone and far less to herself.

Lisbon looked at Jane in awe. He looked so peaceful yet so pale with his soft blond curls all in place and his pink lips tainted with a hint of red probably due to lack of hydration. For a while her hand hang in the air unable to decide if she should take his like he had done with her in the desert for what seems like ages now.

But she stopped halfway when someone behind her knocked on the door.

"agent Lisbon" said a tall black men

"yes" she said with a soft voice

"I'm agent Turcot I need to talk to you for a second" the men said

Lisbon stood up

"what's it about ?" Lisbon asked eyebrows lift

"I can't tell it's a matter of national security" the men said in a bureaucratic tone

"agent all due respect but I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me exactly what's going on" Lisbon said with an accusing finger

The agent's jaw clenched and he looked away for a while

"it's about Lorelai…you need to come with me" he said

For a second Lisbon regreted to have declined Grace's offer. If she needed to go, who would look over Jane. But she was a CBI agent and Jane's state shoudn't stop her from doing her job she thought, plus after three days of sleep deprivation and sequestrations between the walls of an hospital she definitely needed to take a breath of fresh air.

"let's go" Lisbon said

Right before closing the door behind her, Lisbon hadn't noticed Jane's eyelids flutter.

xxxxxxxx

"open your eyes Jane I'm there" a soft yet gentle voice hummed into his ears

A smile came across his lips. He opened his eyes in a single move. His smile faded.

"Charlotte you're here again it's not possible" Jane said

"why ?" she said vexed

"you're suppose to be…" Jane started but didn't finish measuring the pound of his words

"you mean what ? you mean dead" Charlotte finished for him

"you're not real" Jane finally said "I saw you in the pool and now you're here" he pointed out

"elementary my dear Jane" Charlotte chuckled

"why are you here ?" Jane asked

"so you haven't found out yet ?" the blonde little girl asked with a sparkle in her eyes

"no you tell me Charlou" Jane said

"don't call me like that I'm too old now" Charlotte said looking away

Charlotte and her dad staired at each other for a while before there was a quick flash again and Jane felt his body leave him again and transport him somewhere he didn't know. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised by the ambiance. He was standing in an old yet classy office with a very vintage allure which he liked ; a small yet intimate space, wooden furnitures and a cracking fireplace apposed to a brick wall.

Jane paced the room and decided that whoever lived here was probably comfortable financially and from a long lignage of British familly. And from the astronomous quantity of parchment paper soiled with ink spread on the desk, the owner had exquisite tastes. Jane's attention quickly shift towards a very old fashioned monocular and decided to stare into it. It was probably worth a fortune nowadays.

"it's a very old and rusty piece of trivia" a voiced called

"Charlotte" Jane said in anticipation "it's a 19th century british magnifying glass piece of trivia may I correct" Jane teased

"like I said" Charlotte responded "old and rusty"

"so where are we now ?" he asked her seriously

"you're the one with the skills dad you tell me" Charlotte said defiantly

"well like you said it's old…and judging from the amount of paper and the typing machine I'm guessing the owner is in arstistic business probably a writer" Jane said with a smile

"not bad" Charlotte said with a smile "what else ?"

"you do it" Jane told her

"now that woudn't be fair" she said holding a laugh

"why not ?" Jane asked offended

"because I'm the one who brought you here in the first place" she teased

"of course" he said eyebrows knit "you mind giving me a clue ?" he said

"ok fair enough" she said "who is your favorite writer Patrick ?" Carlotte asked lips pursed

"Shakespear" Jane said

"really" she pouted to tease him "ok then who is your second favorite writer ?" she asked

"hum…Conan Doyle" he said "interresting" he adds to himself

"so you know where we are then" she said with a satisfied smile

"I've known it from the start Charlotte I was just curious why you would brought me here" he said with a smile

The blonde girl's smile dropped afar.

"how did you know ?" she asked dissapointed

"old victorian house 221 Baker Street" he told her "we're in Sherlock Holmes humble lair" he said

After all the evidences in front of him, Jane had no problem collecting and gathering all the pieces of the puzzle together. At first, he got suspicious when he saw the closed case of a violin trashed into some corner of the room. Then he had seen from the window the adress number from across the street ; he didn't need to see the name of the street to know exactly where he was.

"street numbers are usually following in a decreasing order…you can see the the number 220 from across the street so it could only mean the adresse here is 221 and well I guess everything else just makes sense" Jane said

"teach me" Charlotte said on a serious tone

"you know I can't" Jane said swallowing with dissappointement

"yes you can you just don't know it yet" she said "you have the power to stay with me dad and with mom too…you can teach me how to swim and cool stuff like reading people and picking pockets that can be perfect…only if you trust me" she said in a very convincing tone

Realization hit him and like a bombshell in a minefield. From the beginning of this ludicrous nightmare, what he tought was just an apparation of his daughter turned out to be the most develish lifesucker. Not only the older version of Charlotte was trying to suck in the guilt inside of him for causing death to her and her mom but she was trying to relief him from his pain with "to good to be true" promeses.

"you're not real" Jane finally said "my daughther was murdered…she was murdered ten years ago and you're just a pale copy of her" Jane said with a vein pulsing next to his temple.

Jane was trying to hide the anger and the fair beneath him arising through his panting chest : under his carapace lived a deeply hurt human beeing who hated the toughts to appear petty and innocent especially in front of a fifteen years old little girl who claims to be his daughter.

"you can't even recognize your own daughter how pathetic dad" Charlotte said with mean smile

"get out of my head now…" Jane yelled as he got a step closer to Charlotte "you're not her, please stop tourmenting me, please stop" Jane shouted as he roughtly grabed the girl's arm

Jane was at a hair's breadth of bursting out of anger and tears and he could see the fair in the girl's eyes. But a voice behind him instantly soothed his impulse. When he looked back, Teresa Lisbon was standing there once again with a calm yet worried expression on her face. When he turned back Charlotte had long again dissapear.

"Jane it's okay…" but he interrupted her as if he had the biggest confession to make

"she's dead…Charlotte's dead" Jane started now tears freely running down from the corner of his eyes

"I know" Lisbon said with a soft comforting voice

"who are you ?" Jane said almost stuttering

"what ?" Lisbon asked almost in shock

"I don't know who you are get away from me" Jane said

Jane was genuinely scared and his eyes showed he would do anything to defend himself if Lisbon got too close.

"Jane it's me Lisbon" she tried to reach for him but he stepped back

For a moment, everything inside Jane's head spinned at full speed like an infectuous merry-go-round. He could almost ear the worn out soud of the carousel ringing like a circus town.

Jane was in the waiting line ; he only hoped that soon enough this living nightmare would stop and that maybe he would feel again the raw emotion of his heartbeat, alive and fast.


	4. Chapter 4

_Athor's note : I hope you liked this chapter ! I know the chapter title didn't really fit but after reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" i had to be inspired a little bit so I tried to make it fit for the best ;) I will try to post the other chapter later today and maybe tomorrow it the worst case scenario. Sorry that this chapter was shorter I just wanted to keep the best material for the last one I guess. Don't forget to comment and let me know what you think xDD_

**Chapter 4 (Shades of Grey)**

"J-A-N-E" Lisbon yelled

"Oh my god…please someone call a doctor" Lisbon said

"what happened ?" the doctor said

"I don't know" Lisbon said "I was gone and when I came back he was…like that"

"no one should have let him alone" the doctor accused "he's having an overdose"

"what…that's impossible" Lisbon said

"well looks like it's not" the doctor said looking at her

Lisbon had gone for a half and hour only to check out on a lead for Lorelai with agent Turcot. The look on the agent's face when it turned out to be a dead end, not to mention the wounded pride of CBI chief Bertram when they had found a blow-up doll stuffed with a brown wig in the middle of the desert instead of Red John's little minion.

But now was different. Lisbon couldn't believe her ears what she had just heard. How could Jane had possibly ingurgited a high dose of drug during her absence if he was in coma. A nerve breaker inside of her wanted to scream at him to know if he wasn't faking but she knew it woudn't resolve anything at this point.

There was only one explainable reason this could have happen : Red John was all behind of this. He probably asked one of his accomplice to induce the drugs to Jane while he lured them in Vegas sniffing their noses about their previsibility. The bastard she thought.

xxxxxxxx

"agent Lisbon this is unacceptable" Bertram told her

"sir all I wanted to say is where's doing everything we can…" Lisbon said

"you don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation here miss Lisbon…I have already suspended you and your team before out of misguidence from Mr. Jane now I woudn't mind doing it again if you can't handle this case…please tell me I don't have to do that agent" Bertram said

Something in his tone betrayed his sarcasm and he crosses his arms on his desk in an authoritary and condescending way Lisbon didn't like.

"no sir…you don't have to do that you have my words we will find Lorelai and bring her back to prison and arrest whoever other accomplice she has" Lisbon said submissively

"there is not other accomplice agent Lisbon as far as I'm concerned miss Lorelai Martins injected the drugs to Mr. Jane herself" Bertram said firmly

"but sir we have evi-…"

"enough" Bertram said "you're lucky you still have a job at the CBI agent Lisbon…the FBI will gladly take over the Red John case…miss Lorelai doesn't concern you or your team anymore nor that little consultant of yours" Bertram said

Lisbon had noticed the hint of comptent at the mention of Jane but had discarded it since she didn't want to aggravate the situation. So she pounded her high heels and was ready to leave when Bertram called her.

"oh and don't forget to tell agent Cho he's been promoted" Betram told her with an abnormal and forced smile

"excuse me ?" Lisbon said

"from now on agent Kimball Cho will replace you as senior agent within the CBI and take the lead of this team…I'm afraid you are no longer qualified for this job" Bertram said

Lisbon knew that Bertram was mad at her about so many uncountable things involving her consultant. Not to mention the recent Lorelai accident which he wasn't ready to forgive but permenantly retrograding her was probably a little bit out of the line.

When she had announced it to Cho he had put on his "whatever" attitude but cleary was trying to hide his anger. As much as he liked beeing in charge from time to time, he wasn't eager of the longs hours of paperworks and the tidiness he had to pledge to a superior like Bertram. The other members we also shocked ; Grace protested and Rigsby huffed a nasty remark about CBI chief.

xxxxxxxx

Even thought Cho was in charge, he had let her spend as many time as she wanted to check on Jane. From time to time, Grace had replace her making sure someone trustworthy was always in the room with Jane.

Tonight it was Lisbon's rain check and Grace had decided to stay the full night at the hospital. The fact that they couldn't work on the Red John case was a bummer for all of them. If Jane was there he would probably manipulate someone or threaten them into giving Lorelai back to the CBI.

Not to make it a little different, Lisbon couldn't sleep that night. All she could do was staring wickedly at her black screen television and ruminate the events of the day. Since when had she become such a Patrick Jane look-a-like ? They were times when she used to sleep like a baby at night despite of her job and now she was chasing the ghosts of a past that wasn't hers. A past that belonged to a very damaged men who over the years had tried in vain to have a normal life by catching a monster.

Lisbon always knew that someday, working with Patrick Jane would bring the end of her both mentally and physically. Honestly the only reason she had agreed to work with him was that her curiosity had been piqued but at a highly cost. After her long lived association with him she wondered, from time ot time, in her own little sadistic way, if she maybe liked the pain and the hurt that he caused her.

The first time she learned that he had kissed Erica Flynn under surveillance and let her get away with murder betrayal had stir through her chest like a blaze.

When she learned Jane slept with Lorelai she had felt it ; the pang in her heart. When he had kissed the women her lungs had sucked long from breath as if she was gulping air through a straw. It was even worse when she had heard Lorelai's twisted little supposition about Jane working at the CBI to be close to her then ear him say it was to "past time".

At this point, she had mentally been whiped away while wearing invisible chains.

Lisbon's body was sinking in her sofa and she closed her eyes in deed trying to fight the urge to drown her body into oblivion with alcohol. But from past experiances she knew it wasn't the best thing to do. She had been sober for her brothers and she would be for Jane as well, it was written.

Ready to fall asleep from exhaustion, Lisbon's fought it with full strenght but failed miserably like she had at the hospital. When in the arms of murphey, her usual peaceful dreams turned into nightmares tormenting her head with the unfaced issues in her life.

xxxxxxxx

It had been such a long and excruciating day Patrick tought to himself. Catching serial killers was never easy but this very particular one had caused him a lot of trouble. He hadn't catched him yet but he would. Who did the men thought he was to insult "his" talent ? Sure he wasn't a psychic it wasn't a secret to his familly but it paid the bills so it seems they were okay with it.

Climbing up the stairs while draggings his feets he couldn't wait to see their faces : he already caressed the idea to hold both his girls in his arms and told them they meant the world to him.

The night-light of his daughter's bedroom dimmed through the door. He smiles to himself, Angela was stil probably singing his Charlotte a little lullaby or reading her to sleep while he would come home.

Each step he got closer to the door faded his homecoming smile. A type-writted note was taped to the bedroom dor. After he red it's content his first reaction was deny the truth to himself and pretend it was a hoax. But a small still powerfull part of him couldn't help but tell "what if" ?

With a heart beating like a drum and shaky hands he slowly turned the handle and pushed the door open. It's only when he saw the painted smiley face across the wall that he new what laid under his eyes.

As he reached for them Patrick Jane tried to scream on top of his lungs but no sound would come out. He immediately held his throat. When he saw his reflection in the mirror he wanted to yell ; he found out with horror that he didn't have a mouth anymore.

He almost fainted but someone kept him conscious.

"Patrick, Patrick" called a voice a feminine voice he recognized to be Charlotte's

When opening his eyes, the first thing he could ear was the sound of pourring rain echoing in his ears. It was the only actual sound floating in the silence of the church along with the occasionnal flapping of the wind against the stained-glass widows.

Around him were familiar faces, people wearing black suit with ties and dresses and they all had the same worned out expression on it. Jane knew only too well it was the look of mourning, he could almost taste death at the back of his throat.

Judging from the small amount of people present to the funeral, the deceased was probably some kind of friendless jerk. Actually it was probably what Red John's funeral reception would look like ; he savoured the sweet sensation in his mind with a develish smile.

"who's funeral is it?" Jane asked almost to himself glad that he could talk again

"why don't you take a look yourself" Charlotte suggested

Between quick passengers dropping flowers Jane made is way to the single casket. He was so self-absorded he didn't recognized the men he almost bumped his shoulder with. When he looked back his eyes grew wider with surprise.

"dad is that you" Jane said but the men didn't talk to him and rushed out of the church without a single word

"he can't hear you" Charlotte finally said

"what ?" Jane said

"no one knows you're here…at least not down there" Charlotte said as she pointed out a finger up in the air

Making his way through the death aisle, Jane could see the black velvet carpet shy away under his feat. Only inches away from the coffin, he slowly brought his face from the edge. What he saw survived beyond every possible and imaginable fear in the mind of Patrick Jane ; a gruesome portrait of himself was staring at him and mirroring his bulging eyes.

In a way it all made sense. It would at least explain why people kept ignoring him. He was only a roaming spirit looking for piece of mind hunded by the murder of his wife and daughter.

"so am I really dead ?" Jane asked

"yes" Charlotte lied

"I guess it's the price for chasing Red John" Jane said lucidly

"so you see…but look at the bright side dad you could finally get to be with mom and I like you always wanted all you have to do is let go and free yourself from this guilt you have inside of you…let me help you" Charlotte said softly

Jane looked at her with dazzling eyes. For the first in this living nightmare he felt a semblant of peace, some kind of hope something he didn't have for a long time.

"what about my promise ?" Jane asked

"that's not what mom wants that's not what I want neither" Charlotte admitted "we want you to come back home…with us and we could be a happy familly again don't you want that ?" Charlotte checked

"yes of course" Jane revealed

Long seconds went by and after a brief reflection Jane's finger twitched at his change of heart as if life had come again refilling him fully with positive energy, a pure yet complex fuel pushing him forward with will.

"take my hand dad it's time to go" Charlotte said

Jane stared at his daughter with an equivocal look. Thousands of scenarios were going through his head. He never had the time to picture what death would be like, but deep down he knew if it meant he could be reunited with his familly again the dilemma wasn't too difficult.

For some reason, Patrick Jane was always a black and white person. That is to say he was always on the threshold of something but ignored that love is a strange thing ; it is a complexity that compartmentalized different shades of grey which relies on it's own balance.

Not only did he love his familly but somehow he had discovered more overwhelming colors in his life that grounded him, colors that had not yet fade away with time. Yet now that his daughter was standing there in front of him, he didn't know if he enjoyed his colorblind philosophy or he was ready to move on.


End file.
